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    THE OTHER PEOPLE

     

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    The Other People

    There are now approaching eight billion other human beings living on this planet with you.

    You may not know many of them. Some research has been made into this fascinating subject.          CROWD 1

    It has been proposed, for example, that an average person may meet somewhere around eighty thousand people in their lifetime.

    Such an assumption means that statistically each of us may “know”......just  0.001% of the world population.

    This infers that none of us (we average folk), never meet the remaining 99.999% of the world population.

    Therefore we probably assume much about the bulk of the population and generalise human behaviour relying for opinion on the 0.001% people you meet.

    What it means to “know” someone is a complex idea. McCarty et al. defined “to know someone” as follows:

    “That you know them, and they know you by sight or by name; that you could contact them; that they live within the nation in which you live, and that there has been some contact (either in person, by telephone or mail) in the past 2 years.”

    Experience teaches that many people have around twelve people with whom they continually collaborate, like, or regard as family and/or close friends. These people - and the number may vary for you – are the people you allow into that outer courtyard of your castle.

    They are allowed to be there because you choose to allow them to be there, and you can, at any time, move them out if you so choose.

    But recall – they are never allowed into your private part of your castle. That is occupied by only you and your Guardian.

    Constructing this privacy within your castle does not exclude people from your love, friendship, and respect. It just means that you have a private place in which to provide for your own health and wellness. In doing this successfully, it follows that you can offer anyone that you choose, your love, friendship and respect with greater meaning and competence.

    If you offer someone any of those three most important and valuable assets, their reaction to that offer can reflect onto you.

    Let us look at this aspect in more detail.

    Consider all the other people living in the world who number around eight billion.

    Ask yourself this question:

    “How many of these eight billion people cannot do, say, think or feel anything, unless I tell them what to do, say, feel or do?”

    We feel confident that your answer will be “None”.

    In truth, you are never responsible for anything that any other person does, says, thinks or feels.

    You cannot make someone do, say, feel, or think, anything.

    Anyone may try to influence some other person, by suggestion, to do, say, think or feel something.

    That attempted persuasion may be excellently put together, or badly thought out.

    But it is entirely up to the other person and their own attitudes to the suggestions made, whether that influence succeeds or not.

    It is true that the anxiety felt by a recipient about some form of forcible coercion involving pain or threat of violence may be a positive influence on another person, but the decision to conform to the threat is still in the hands of the recipient.

    Example: “If you don’t do such and such you will be hurt!”

    The outcome of this thought is this:

    “You are never responsible for anything that another person does, says, thinks or feels. Not ever.

    We can point to the expressions often used as challenges to our well-being:

    “You made me do that!”;

    “I would not have said that if you hadn’t told me to!”;

    “You made me feel so bad and hurt me with what you said!”

    “I thought you would have done that!”

    To which the answer can be something like: “I am never responsible for what you think/do/say/feel!”

    “I thought you would give me a call to apologise!”        “I am not responsible for what you think.” (Stress goes) This can be an end, but you might add something like; “However, I do apologise”

    “I thought you loved me?” “Can’t help what you think!” (Stress goes) This can be an end, but you might add something like; “But I do love you!”

    The point we wish to make here for your benefit is that is too easy for an individual to assume or accept guilt or responsibility for something that someone else has done / said  / thought or felt.

    This response suggested removes the stress which may be added to the challenge and last for a long time!

    Without that stress, our health and wellness remain stable, we can keep comfortable within ourselves, and, if it is warranted or appropriate, we might respond along these lines:

    “Although I am not responsible for anything you think, (how might I help you?); (how can I assist you to recover?) (What can I do to make it up to you?); (Is there anything I can do to make you feel better about this?”)

    Should it be that you discover that your disposition or outlook could be considered harsh, unfeeling, or blatant, you have the opportunity to modify your attitude to a certain issue if you wish to, because you are maintaining your health and wellness, and not acting in an off-balance manner, which might cause further problems with someone with whom you may wish to stay on good terms.

    Example: “I realise that what I said was hurtful, so I apologise, and promise that I shall try never to do that again”

    If you are using these philosophies, then no guilt, shame, or regret accompanies this statement.

    Another important thing to remember is that nobody owns another human being.

    It is so easy for people who are closest to you to cause you harm by what they do, say, feel or think. The analogy we use is that of the game of hockey.

    This is a game played with potentially dangerous implements, namely sticks and hard balls, which are blasted at high speeds around a pitch, often hitting people, especially the person in goal.   HOCKEY ONE

     

    HOCKEY TWO

     

     

     

     

    The goalkeeper is approached as near as possible by another player and the ball is violently hit to try to get it into the goal.

     

    If a ball were to strike the goalkeeper and he or she had no protective clothing, great physical damage could result. So, the keeper is provided with helmet and face shield; padded body armour; thick protective gloves; leg-pads and boots. As a result of these precautions, if the ball hits the keeper, not much damage will ensue.

    This is just like life. Another person may strike at you with actions, words, thoughts, or feelings, and if you are unprepared, you might get severely wounded.

    But with the protection of a preventative philosophy, you are immune to such attacks. You can then dismiss the person from your life or try to assist them to modify their attitude towards you, or modify your own attitudes which ever you choose.

    Preventatism is such a philosophy.

    Learn to use it effectively, and you will be protected in all situations.

     

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